I feel like #2
I ate a pound of swedish meatballs today.
Why?
B/c when I was at the sub shop/market getting a sandwhich for dinner last night I saw them there, and they looked delicious. They were at first. I have 4 left. They are not nearly as delicious now.
Oh god.
Wow
You know it's been a long time in between posts when you don't even remember how to sign in. Yikes!! I have a google email account? Apparantley so, as I needed to access it to sign in. Who knew? Stupid blog making me get email accounts I don't even want.
Obviously it's been a VERY long time since I've written last. It would take entirely too long to bring you up to speed. I'd totally written this off to be honest.
Then I receieved an email in my REAL email account for a comment to a post from here. I clicked on it, and reread what I had written in that post. I realized something......I am hysterical. Definitely one of the funniest people I know. And I know a lot of people. I'm working on alienating most them. I have a 6 month plan. So far it's right on schedule.
Some brief updating:
I probably have a totally different job than I last posted about. I've been at it for over a year now. I may have posted about it when I first got it, I don't feel like going back and checking. I'm still lazy. Whatever.
I have been dating the same person for about 10-11 months now. I know I've referred to here before, but I don't think we were officially dating yet. She is good. She is very good. She is also gorgeous. Very gorgeous. Which is nice.
I still live in the same house. It's still fun. One roommate moved out, another moved in. It was for the best. The one that moved out went to live with his girlfriend. She isn't that cool, but whatever.
That's enough updating for now. There is way too much to list.
I was watching Biggest Loser last night with one of my roommates. We are not nice people. However, we are very very funny. At least we think so. If someone was recording our comments, we would be asked to have our own show. It was like Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (or whatever it's called, again, too lazy to research.) I could stop laughing. I am not nice. He is not nice. We are not nice. Just use your imagination, but I'll clue you in on this; just about every sentence ended with "fat shit." Pretty good stuff.
I'm not making any promises about more posts. I've done that many times and failed miserably. Maybe on occasion I'll post something that strikes me as funny. Maybe not. As I have said over and over again, I'm really not that good.
at work......again.
yeah. you fell for it again, didn't you? you read that i would be updating on a more normal basis. yeah. i lied. gotcha!!! at the time i meant it. i didn't follow through. you can't be surprised. you shouldn't be surprised. if you are, i'm sorry for you. haven't you read enough of me to realize i'm just not that good? believe me, if you ever met you'd realize in about 30 seconds. good looking? yes. hysterical? also correct. ridiculously good looking? guilty as charged.
but good? eh.
so the main reason for the lack of posting is this..........
my job at the gym really allowed me to not only have an insane amount of free time, it also provided me with such endless opportunity to make fun of people. there was very little thought involved. i would see something that either cracked me up, or incensed (sp?) me, and then i would immediately write about it. it is no longer that easy. if i see something now, i have to attempt to remember it, then get on a computer and type it? that seems like a lot of work. that job was ideal for this. (this of course being an outlet for my insanity). the jobs i have had since, not so much.
i guess theoretically i could post at home. that doesn't appeal to me. when i'm home, i avoid the computer. first of all, i'm barely home at all anymore. i work about 6 days a week with my new job and it's an hour commute both ways. that being said, my days are long. very long. throw in the gym and time with whatever lady friend i'm talking too, and "this" gets thrown out the window. if i could just think the crazy thoughts that go on (yeah, they still go on. duh.) and have them magically apear on here, you would all be dazzled once again by the level of idiocy i reach. sadly, that probably won't be happening any time soon. blame technology, or a lack thereof.
or blame my jobs, not me.
or blame me. i sleep at night. often next to a fellacious female. HIGH FIVE!!!
one thing i did notice today that made me think of this site......
i was driving to work and noticed what appeared to be an attractive blond driving in front of me in the next lane over. i love blondes, and here hair was as blonde as blonde can be. we pull up at a light and i expectantly look over to see a hottie. and what do i see??
it wasn't good. at all.
i see a BEAST of a woman smoking a cigarrette like it's her last before execution. i almost threw up in my mouth. disgusting.
for some reason the thought popped into my head that i should relay that to the world.
there you go.
i told you, i'm not that good.
CT eats it
i haven't posted in a few days. for once it's not my fault. i was in Stamford, CT for work. who the hell goes to Stamford, CT for work? this guy, that's who. for those of you that don't know, it's not that cool. several things i realized about that place:
1. everyone in CT drives likes poononers. bad. here in the dirty jerz we drive like the end is near. (and for most of the people out there, it should be). not in CT. they take their sweet ass time. come on people, i may be lost, but i need to get more lost in a hurry.
2. yeah i got lost. mapquest lied about where my hotel was. i was all kinds of NOT HAPPY. stupid mapquest. stupid holiday inn. it was right off the main street, but there were NO SIGNS for it. it could have been any other building. fucking jerks.
3. there was always traffic. again with the slow driving.
4. they had a target. i love target. i walked there to keep from killing someone in a fit of rage/boredom.
5. they had an LA Fitness there. i was able to work out. sweet. i look too good to stop working out.........yeah. i said it.
6. traveling for work sucks. it's cool for about 1 minute. then you realize much of the time will be spent in your hotel room. hooker optional. surprisingly i opted not too. something about not wanting it to burn when i pee.
7. the chick that i worked with had a nice rack. so that was a plus. the engagement ring on her finger was not.
8. i did get hit on by a VERY LARGE black woman that had on VERY LARGE fishnet stockings. i just got done working out and was in the elevator back to my room when she saw me and said something to the effect of:
her: mmm, mmm, mmm. you just get done lifting weights?
me: (honestly frightened) uh, yeah.
her: damn boy, you are all swolled (she said swolled) up and bulging in all the right places.
me: (oh sweet mercy get to my floor) thanks???
her: i hope i get to see you lata.
me: we'll see. (cue me sprinting off the elevator at my floor)
awesome.
9........i think 8 is all i have.
question
i'm a relatively fast driver. i'm not a lunatic, but i'll usually be the pace car on a fast highway. here in dirty jerz we have many roads to fly on. the parkway and turnpike being the 2 most popular. u can basically get to anywhere in jerzey off those roads. just about every day i am on a major highway. whenever i am on the highway i am driving fast. usually upwards of 80, if traffic is faster, so am i. that being said, whenever someone flies by me on the road as if i'm standing still, i ALWAYS wish them to crash. it goes something like this:
me: (driving at a good speed)
asshole driver: (WHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH by me)
me: please crash, please crash, please crash.
i will say those words out loud to myself just about every time that happens. does that make me a bad person?
second day of work
pretty much the same as the first, HOWEVER i did receive a phone call today from another interview i had been on last week. this opportunity is probably better than the job i took, so i am going on a second interview there tomorrow. let's hope it's all its cracked up to be.
first day of work
some quick notes about my first day of work.
since the gym is still under construction, i am working in a trailer for now.
i'm the only male.
there were 6 females.
5 were black.
black chicks love me.
dig that.
