screw you guys, i'm going home
cartman, is there anything you can't teach us?
good god i don't want to be here. yesterday i had coffee as far as the eye could see. i was early so i bought some. the personal trainer came in, so he brought me some. and one of the woman that probably has a little crush on me brought me some too. where is all that coffee today? son of a bitch. feast or famine, that's all i know.
my allergies are destroying me. my eyes are insanely irritated so i am rubbing them all day long. of course they get red, swollen, and bloodshot from that. my nose is runny and itching as well. i look like a crack addict. at least crackheads come down eventually. these damn allergies are relentless. i'm sure it will only get worse from here. sweet.
i didn't get a chance to post anything yesterday morning b/c i had to talk some sense into someone i work with. i'm not going to get into specifics, but let's just say he is an idiot.
why? why do people insist on using the ONE piece of equipment that squeaks? it is driving me out of my mind.
you'd think after a couple days of not posting i'd have more to say. but you'd be wrong.
if my day keeps going this way i just might, break your fucking face tonight
that is me right now. except replace tonight with this morning. and replace accidentally with repeatedly, and dog with son.
my lack of sleep for the week has finally caught up with me. sleep is a rapacious creditor, and it is collecting today. fucker. i am miserable right now. i'm not even going to be able to pretend to like people today. if ever there was a day i snap, it's today. so if you read about it in the news, you'll be prepared.
according to "statcounter" (i'd put a link in, but don't know how, you fucking computer geeks) someone came to this page via a blog search. what was the search for?...................butt fuck. yes, butt fuck. i don't recall ever really mentioning that (shame on me), but i came up in a search for that. of course this person was from germany. i am convinced that all people from germany partake in weird, devious, borderline criminal sex acts. my guess is it has something to do with their love of david hasselhoff. i have no factual information to back this up persay, but i do have a strong hunch.
once again, it's friday bitches. no better words exist. except of course for butt fuck.
other niggas is mad, i get more butt than ashtrays. fuck the fair one i get mine the fast way. ski mask way, nigga ransom notes.
if you don't like biggie smalls you are not a friend of mine. chances are, you aren't a friend of mine regardless of your feelings on biggie. unless you think one of the funniest things you've ever seen is when he is laboring to breathe in that puffy and mase video. b/c that's just good TV. "just like my man puffy says.......(wheez)......(cough).....(muffled gurgling sound)....the more money you get, the more problems you have."
the only exception to that not liking biggie but being a friend of mine is if you are 2pac. b/c he is good people too. i also have thought long and hard (i said long and hard) about getting the same "thug life" tattoo he had across my stomach. you don't know what it's like growing up on the mean steets of my upper-middle class suburb. we had to ride our bikes to go to our swim club. it was hell son!!!!!
if you have no idea what i'm talking about, that's fine. i'm sure it's not the first time. but in my head, everything i say makes perfect sense.
it was all a dream. i used to read Word Up magazine. salt n' peppa, heavy d up in the limosine
bitches.
i have entirely too much energy for a wednesday morning at 6:45. of course it is all artificial due to sweet sweet coffee. i never even drank coffee that much before taking this job. the thing is it really doesn't affect me all that much. but if someone's going to bring it to me everyday, i'll be damned if i don't drink it. i'll also eat the bagel that comes along with it. the beauty of the bagel is all the fat people that come by and stare at it longingly. i love it. too many carbs for you fatty.
i am sore as hell today. my neck hurts. my back hurts. my neck and my back hurt. (for anyone who knows what movie that is from, bravo, you are a good person). i lifted for wayyyyyyyy too long yesterday afternoon. but one of the hottest girls in the gym was there and i had to talk to her for a half hour. isn't that much obvious? i then played basketball for 2 1/2 hours last night. i am surprised at the length of time b/c my friends are all out of shape slobs. somehow they avoided heart attacks and we got some excellant games in. we haven't played games this good since we were 18-21 and playing every night. i never felt sore like this then though. damn you getting old.
that commercial with the lime green hatchback makes me laugh everytime. i am a simpleton.
jack johnson is good listening. although since i had all my CD's stolen i am getting a little sick of his new CD b/c it's been playing in my truck for about 2 weeks straight. i'd buy/burn some new ones, but i am lazy.
if you were to see the spandex clad woman that i am seeing, you would probably vomit in disgust. somehow i am now immune to it.
the two mexican guys that just checked in will most likely steal my hubcaps on their way out. great.
that's all i got for now.
how many monkey butlers will there be?
i think i just got hit on by a gay guy. i'm not sure, but i think so. i'm not even sure if he's gay, but there was more than a little eye contact, as in borderline staring. i think the rule of thumb is, if you are uncomfortable (which i was) than it's hitting on. he was asking me about my classes, and how political science is taught in american schools. (he is european, which makes me automatically think he's gay). of course i have very little to say on the subject being i am an idiot, but that doesn't stop the questions from coming. great. he left telling me he is going to give me a book to read. i'll be very disturbed it it's some kind of weirdo european sex book.
this weekend was excellent other than the wake and accompanying funeral i had to go to. the wake was surprisingly light hearted, not that there were belly laughs, but it wasn't very somber. i saw a ton of people i hadn't seen in a couple years, so much of the night was spent catching up. the funeral was the exact opposite of the wake. very sad, very somber. only close friends and family.
after the wake i went to philly to see the woman, who was hanging out with one of her best friends that i had yet to meet. i have met just about all of them now, and this is the first one i liked. the woman went to some geek high school, and some even geekier college, so all of her friends are....you guessed it, geeks. the one's from high school are pretty hot, but they still sucked. the college one sucked, and aren't even good looking. this one was the exception. she was both hot and funny. so i obviously brought up the idea of a "manage a trois". no dice. weak. you have to still ask though, b/c what if the answer is yes?
saturday was spent driving to and from the funeral. napping when we got back to philly. eating left over mexican food, and her friend was cool enough to order something i liked the night before b/c she knew i'd eat the leftovers. the night was spent relaxing at barnes and noble reading "deep thoughts" by jack handy. i know i suck just hanging out at a book store, but fuck off. i'm up before the sun on a daily basis.
sunday consisted of church with another couple in a ghetto part of philly. we were some of the only crackers there. i actually enjoyed it. it's nice to see "thugs" that won't pull a gun on you or call you casper when you walk by. after church we ate some kick ass breakfast at a little cafe. breakfast made another appearance later that day when i went for a run. i guess you shouldn't eat eggs benedict before running. i puked twice, once on the main street of manyunk. for those of you that have never been to manyunk, main street has a bunch of restaurants and shops with outdoor seating. i had to stop in mid stride to throw up half digested eggs and holandaisse sauce. awesome. of course there were at least 30 people eating nearby who witnessed this. i am hoping i ruined at least half of their meals. at least i finished the run and then stopped and got a smoothie b/c smoothies are good.
it's friday bitches!!!!!!
i'm not sure if i could dislike Stephen A. Smith anymore than i already do. he used to annoy me a lot less when he was just a token member of the ESPN team. he only would discuss the NBA b/c he is the black guy, and was in with the players. now his fucking grill is plastered all over the channel talking about every whoo-ha in every sport. what is the need for this? and the screaming, is that neccessary too? be a professional, speak in an inside voice. crazy darks.
same goes for TO. he is complaining about making $49mill. huh? he just signed this contract last year, and already he wants to renegotiate. one year ago, and already upset about it. no one put a gun to his head to make him agree to those terms. i am a giants fan so i am hoping he holds out all year. greedy jig.
it's friday bitches!!!!! what a great thing to say.
i have to go to the wake for my friend's mom this evening. obviously not looking forward to it. i was talking to the woman about this last night, and many of my friends' parents have passed. legg just moved into a house with 3 other guys. of the 4 of them, 3 are missing a parent. we're too young for that. it's going to be a sad day. not really going to think about it until then. have the funeral tomorrow morning. i've been to way too many of those things.
no major plans for the weekend. contemplating going to see the woman tonight. sounds good, except for the fact i have the funeral tomorrow and would have to leave early in the morning to get to it. the more i think about it, the less likely that scenerio is. most likely will go into philly to see her saturday night. i know she wanted to hang out with another couple (gay). i may veto those plans. i'd have to make small talk with them, blah, blah, blah. not down with that. i don't really like people.
leave me alone. need sleepy
was i late to work today? oh sure.
do i have a POUNDING headache? you bet.
are the tiny mexicans with pick axes setting off TNT charges in my stomache? yes.
am i going to finish my coffee even though it will only anger said tiny mexicans? si.
am i retarded? i think that answer is an obvious yes.
i reread the post from late last night and realized just how inarticulate i am. there was so much more i was trying to convey with that. in my defense, i was tired, emotional, and delerious from lack of sleep.
i was awoken today with a phone call at 5am. keep in mind i am supposed to BE in work at 5am. it was one of the personal trainers calling to see what kind of bagel i wanted. needless to say i was a little out of sorts upon waking. in my delerium i had no idea what he was talking about. then i looked at the clock and proceded to give my bagel order, hang up, curse loudly, and SPRINT out the door. luckily i only live 10 minutes away. 7 today. so the doors did open somewhat on time. there were about 15 people waiting outside for me. for the most part they were cool that i was late. it is only the 3rd time in a year. not bad considering i have to be up and at work before the sun is up. only an idiot would this. if nothing else my hair looked particularly sweet.
only one person seemed pissed. he is a fucking weirdo. he has thick ass glasses, a sweet mustache, a long pony tail, and poor social skills. i think i've mentioned him before. he's about 145lbs soaking wet. does the same exact routine every day, which is very fundamentally wrong. some of the exercises look downright dangerous. but i am kinda hoping he hurts himself so i never correct him. he's also only here for about 25 minutes a day. on his way out he usually tries to initiate some conversation, but he mumbles (he's a mumbler) so i only catch every 3rd word. in fact he is so weird, when i see him coming this way i tend to duck into one of the back offices. at the same time i want to stay on his good side b/c i bet he has bodies stashed in a cooler somewhere. i don't want to end up as one of those bodies.
a serious post
so this is very unusual for me to be posting anything when i am not at work, especially when i need to be AT work in just a couple hours. and the nature of this post is not what my whiny, rambling, angryness, etc that you've all come to love is about. for once i am compelled to write in a serious tone, about a very serious matter. i apologize in advance for any errors or incoherentness that follows. i tend to jump around and don't complete thoughts.
i found out about an hour ago that a good friend's mom died earlier today. she has been sick with cancer for a while, and yesterday was given 24 hours to live. she'd been checked into the hospital last week b/c she had a stroke. at least she didn't suffer for too long in the hospital. this same friend's father passed away a couple years ago as well. they were both amazing people, but amazing people sometimes are called away.
my friend's name is gregg. we all call him legg (he is tall, about 6'4", hence the name legg). i have been friends with legg since we were kids. we became real close in high school. he was the captain of the football, basketball, and baseball teams his senior (my junior) year. legg was good enough at football to get a scholarship to a legit D-1AA school in PA. (coincidentally the same school i totally destroyed my shoulder against when i played them in college). we were both quarterbacks, him being the starter, me being the back-up. we also both played free safety on defense, me being the starter, him being the back up. so for hours each day we would hang out and BS. same went for basketball. although i played guard and he was a forward. legg was THAT KID in high school. he was tall, good looking, smart, and very smooth. his girlfriend was smoking hot, but he still somehow nailed almost every hot chick in the school. needless to say i looked up to legg, but we were close so it wasn't one of those longing to be him scenerios. it was when i started hanging out with legg that i decided i had somehow became part of THAT crowd. you know the one. the one that dates the cheerleaders, throws the best parties, gets away with anything in school b/c generally you are good kids, you just like to fuck around. legg showed me all that. in fact the first time i got drunk was with legg (and about 1 million times after that). prior to this time i'd always felt real awkward and uncomfortable in most situations. somehow that all started disappearing around this time. i did date the cheerleaders, i did go to all the "cool" parties, i became THAT GUY as well. when legg graduated, he gave me the "key" to the school. it was not a gay 90210 type thing, just an inside thing that had been passed from grade to grade more or less via the jocks. i in turn passed it along my senior year. it was this time that i became comfortable with myself. i look back at that time with nothing but great memories. i owe so much of that to the friendship that legg showed me.
as we went into college he and i parted ways. we were still friends, just not as close as we once were. that happens when you go away to school. during breaks we'd all get together and party, but we obviously didn't have the same friendship that high school allowed. eventually legg hurt his back pretty bad and had to stop playing football. i continued, and even after the surgery mentioned earlier i came back for a 5th year to play. whenever i saw legg he would always make it a point to see how football was going. he told me he always checked out the stats on the internet and seemed to know how well i was playing. that meant more to me than he could ever imagine. i could always tell he wished he was still playing. there is something about good athletes that never dies. when we got out of school we would see each other at the bar every weekend. we are fortunate in the fact there is a group of about 10 of us that have stayed close since high school. (about 9 years ago). a couple years ago we started a beer league softball team on sunday mornings. legg played SS, i played LF. all during the games we BS. it is like old times. (that is why i love sports. it does things for you that nothing else can). when we see each now, we can BS and joke around all night. it is a friendship i truly value.
when legg gets married, his parents won't be there. when he has his first child, they will not be there. for this, my heart hurts for him. i know none of you know me, let alone legg. if any of you have read this far, please say a prayer for my friend. thanks.
i did it like this. i did it like that. i did it with a wiffle ball bat.
why is there some tubby bitch doing my sportscenter the last two days? there should be a rule about women on TV, especially when it comes to sports. you need to either be knowledgeable and good looking, or knowledgeable and smoking hot. preferably the latter. i have no time for ugly, or hot and dumb. what happened to the days of dan patrick and charlie steiner? it's bad enough i have to deal with linda cohn a couple days a week. piss poor.
hey old guy with the crook hand, please refrain from telling me about your various ailments. i don't care what kind of medication you are on, nor do i care about the EXACT route you took to the hospital. i can't possibly look approachable, my eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep, and i usually have a glazed over look on my face. i know this b/c people have been nice enough to point both of these things out to me. yet, people will still come and talk to me for hours on end. i don't get it.
you don't see what i see, everyday as warren g.
in my field of vision at work right now:
1. old guy in spandex
2. a different old guy wearing a mini-tee. i guess he really likes showing his old stomach
3. heavy-set black woman that complains to me
4. european guy that may or may not be gay. stares at me really hard when i check him in. disturbing........oh, you bet.
5. woman in her 30's that still looks pretty good. although i think i make her look better in my head than she really is. there is just such little competition for her at this hour.
6. old guy with the claw hand. hard not to look at
7. european guy just made it a point to say good bye to me. he did this by knocking on the counter and waiting until i looked up.
8. guy with beard in his 30's that complains to me everyday about how ugly the clientelle here is. i agree with him on a daily basis.
9. loud guy with napolean complex. loves to yell and draw attention to himself.
10. the microwave which has decided not to work, thus ruining the soup i brought in for lunch.
11. a glare off the linoleum floor that is threatening to blind me permanently
12. woman that complains about her kids on a daily basis. i think if she could kill them and get away with it, she would.
13. strangely intense guy with goatee. not much of talker. more of an intense starer.
14. woman doing abs that should stop wasting her time, and get her dump ass on a treadmill instead. also stares at me a little too long upon check-in. (always makes me go look in a mirror to make sure there is nothing on my face)
15. fat white guy wearing roca-wear. this always makes me laugh.
the sea was angry that day my friends. like an old man trying to return soup at a deli
the stomach gods are very angry at me today. i think it had something to do with the buffalo cheesesteak with onions and mushrooms i ate last night. it was freaking unbelievable. i ate it in about 3 minutes. the woman may/may not have been disgusted/turned on. a safe bet would be may have been disgusted. my stomach had been in pretty serious pain for about a week, so i decided that i'd test to see just how bad i could make it. i failed the test, badly. i think my stomach is filled with tiny mexicans with pick axes, and they just hack into my stomach lining all day and night. sadly, that is seriously the visual i get when i think about it. of course today i took my last nexium, so it will only get worse from here. awesome. i should probably go to the doctor, but i won't. why? b/c i am an idiot that's why.
know what else is fun? painting at my sister's new house on saturday morning (the only moring i get to sleep late). only to find out yesterday that she doesn't like the color, so i get to re-do that. awesome as well.
at least i got to play basketball on friday night and softball yesterday. b/c of my cracker ass complexion i got pretty burned in only a couple hours of sunlight. the great thing about that is people have been commenting on it all morning. yes moron, i got a little sun this weekend.
dang.
a $1.25, isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow-job
after two great days of sunny, warm weather, the rain gods have once again decided to ruin my day. originally i was supposed to not work, and play paintball instead. when i heard it was supposed to rain, i decided to make money, instead of of spending a lot to be soaked and miserable. paintball is good times. shooting your friends is always fun. i specialized in shots to the dome, b/c people tend to bug out when that happens. plus there is a chance you can get someone in the neck/throat, and that's fun for everyone. usually leaves a mark like a hickey that will last for a couple days. but since the rain gods are against me, i am sitting at work instead. at least it is friday and i will be able to sleep in tomorrow. jackpot.
something i forgot regarding yesterday's GED post. i neglected to mention that said person (a young female) had several BAD tattoos on her arms. in BAD places too, like a band around her wrist. awesome.
i have no appropriate title
whenever someone starts a sentance with......"after i get my GED i plan on _____________", listen up b/c something sweet is going to follow.
once again the internet isn't working at the gym. it is KILLING me. my whole morning revolves around a routine of internet usage. email, yahoo sports, espn.com, this stupid pointless blog, etc. i find myself actually working now. what the hell is that all about? i'm not sure, but i don't like it.
i never sleep. ever. the woman is only a half hour away all week at a military base taking some special class so i have been able to stay with her every night on the base. it's great, other than the fact my sleep time has been greatly reduced. instead of only being 12 minutes from work, i am now about 35. although that's only a 23 minute difference, when you only get between 3-4 hours of sleep a night, it's killer.
that fat old fuck that i wrote about a couple days ago called and complained about me. awesome. somehow that is only the second complaint against me since i've been there. the first was b/c i was VERY late for work one day. (5am comes very early, and that day, not at all).
that's all i got.
b-baller, shot caller, brawler
the internet was not working at work yesterday. i don't like the way that last sentance sounds, but i'm too lazy to attempt to fix it. i didn't realize just how crippled i was without it. i had no book to read either. i killed time by smashing my head on the counter. it went pretty well.
i hate women's basketball. it is dominating my sports center this morning. who cares about women's basketball? bull dyke lesbians and tall, awkward teenage girls. in other words, no one. if anyone did, the stands would actually have people in them. but the stands are empty, always. and this is why.....the girls are slow, unathletic, and unattractive. now before some feminist nazi gets her grandma pantalones in a bunch let me explain something. i dated the point guard on my college's basketball team for a couple months. (i love athletic girls. i dated a D-1 soccer player for over two years, and my current girlfriend was captain of her college's cheerleading team. so i do not discriminate against female athletes. although i totally disagree with title 9, but that is a rant for another time). in fact i was very good friends with most of the female basketball team my junior and senior year. they were good times, and loved to party. also, most of them were bi-sexual or lesbians. and that screams of numerous girls making out at parties. you can't discount those facts. i even used to play pick-up games with them, and for the most part they were very good....for girls. the fact i, at 5'9", would dominate in the post, or take any of them off the dribble is a testament that men, as a whole, are way more athletic than women.
you fat bastard
i don't like fat people. i don't like old people. needless to say, i was not a fan of the old fat man that just bothered me 4 times in the past half hour. he didn't know how to work an exercise bike. that is the same test they give you to see if you are a retard. he failed, miserably. he didn't understand the concept of the bike not turning on until you started pedaling. i showed him how to use it, he came back 5 minutes later complaining the bike shut down. i went and showed him again, again he came back (angry this time) b/c the bike shut down again. when he was setting the time, he set it for 3 minutes instead of 30. good god i hate people.
you never count your money, while you're sittin' at the table, they'll be time enough for countin', when the dealings done
in case you couldn't tell, there have been no posts for a couple days. i know you have all been very disappointed, checking every couple hours, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe i posted something. well i didn't bitches, deal with it. i've been busy. DANG!!!
thursday night i went to Atlantic City with the woman. for those of you that have been to AC, you already know what it is like there. for those of you that haven't, let me paint a picture for you. it is exactly like Vegas, but without all the fun, young people, glitz, and glamour. really it is a sad, lonely, depressing place. although i only live about an hour and fifteen minutes away, i rarely go. for starters you need money to gamble, and i have very little of that. i understand the whole adrelaline rush thing, but i'd rather get it in other ways. in fact, i'd been to Vegas more recently than AC. the last time i was in AC was for a bachelor party and i was woken up on a park bench by a cop smacking me with his nightstick. i had (supposedly) passed out there drunk as hell. once again, this a supposed thing. maybe i'd had about 100 beers and shots. who's to say exactly. all i know is i woke up in my hotel room broke, tattered, and with nightstick type welts on my shoulder. good times.
anyway, AC kinda sucks, but i was given a free hotel room at Trump Plaza. who am i to turn that down? plus i'll look for any excuse to take off work. one thing i will say about AC, you will never see a more random selection of people. the amount of old, decrepid, dying people there is staggering. it's like they sweep the old folk's home for the people closest to death, cart them on a bus, and then drop them off one by one at the slot machines. (that is closer to reality than you would think). since i don't really like old people (as i've previously stated), i was truly disgusted. plus i despise cigarette smoke, and of course every old fuck if puffing away like tonight is their lucky night to be called to the great beyond. there are also a ton of chinamen. TONS of chinamen. i think their makeshift rafts wash up on the boardwalk and they just walk directly into the casino ready for action. there must be a good conversion on the Yen.
even with all that, i did have a good time. it was something different, and it is always good to not work. i slept until the time i am usually getting out of work, which is sweet.
