CT eats it
i haven't posted in a few days. for once it's not my fault. i was in Stamford, CT for work. who the hell goes to Stamford, CT for work? this guy, that's who. for those of you that don't know, it's not that cool. several things i realized about that place:
1. everyone in CT drives likes poononers. bad. here in the dirty jerz we drive like the end is near. (and for most of the people out there, it should be). not in CT. they take their sweet ass time. come on people, i may be lost, but i need to get more lost in a hurry.
2. yeah i got lost. mapquest lied about where my hotel was. i was all kinds of NOT HAPPY. stupid mapquest. stupid holiday inn. it was right off the main street, but there were NO SIGNS for it. it could have been any other building. fucking jerks.
3. there was always traffic. again with the slow driving.
4. they had a target. i love target. i walked there to keep from killing someone in a fit of rage/boredom.
5. they had an LA Fitness there. i was able to work out. sweet. i look too good to stop working out.........yeah. i said it.
6. traveling for work sucks. it's cool for about 1 minute. then you realize much of the time will be spent in your hotel room. hooker optional. surprisingly i opted not too. something about not wanting it to burn when i pee.
7. the chick that i worked with had a nice rack. so that was a plus. the engagement ring on her finger was not.
8. i did get hit on by a VERY LARGE black woman that had on VERY LARGE fishnet stockings. i just got done working out and was in the elevator back to my room when she saw me and said something to the effect of:
her: mmm, mmm, mmm. you just get done lifting weights?
me: (honestly frightened) uh, yeah.
her: damn boy, you are all swolled (she said swolled) up and bulging in all the right places.
me: (oh sweet mercy get to my floor) thanks???
her: i hope i get to see you lata.
me: we'll see. (cue me sprinting off the elevator at my floor)
awesome.
9........i think 8 is all i have.
question
i'm a relatively fast driver. i'm not a lunatic, but i'll usually be the pace car on a fast highway. here in dirty jerz we have many roads to fly on. the parkway and turnpike being the 2 most popular. u can basically get to anywhere in jerzey off those roads. just about every day i am on a major highway. whenever i am on the highway i am driving fast. usually upwards of 80, if traffic is faster, so am i. that being said, whenever someone flies by me on the road as if i'm standing still, i ALWAYS wish them to crash. it goes something like this:
me: (driving at a good speed)
asshole driver: (WHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH by me)
me: please crash, please crash, please crash.
i will say those words out loud to myself just about every time that happens. does that make me a bad person?
second day of work
pretty much the same as the first, HOWEVER i did receive a phone call today from another interview i had been on last week. this opportunity is probably better than the job i took, so i am going on a second interview there tomorrow. let's hope it's all its cracked up to be.
first day of work
some quick notes about my first day of work.
since the gym is still under construction, i am working in a trailer for now.
i'm the only male.
there were 6 females.
5 were black.
black chicks love me.
dig that.
you can't, you won't, and you don't stop.
last night.
watched the yankees get throttled.
received a text message from a lovely woman requesting my company. visit this lovely woman and do lovely things. this was followed by the lovely woman making me a delicious omelet. that was followed by more lovely things.
other than the yankee game, a pretty good night.
yeah. i rock.
fucking IPOD commercial
that damn "1234" by Feist has been in my head for weeks. stupid IPOD commercial. stupid catchy lyrics and melody. did i download it and all her other songs? yes i did. i am a glutton for punishment and faggy acoustic music. fuck off. it's my thing.
just got back from interview 1000 of the past few months. went well. similar to the one from yesterday. basically the same position, except this is a more established corporate gym. not as bad as my last employer, but similar. they pretty much offered me a position at that particular gym, but i have a second interview with a someone higher up to see if i can get a different management position at one of their sister gyms. i'm hoping so. better positions means more money. more money means a happier jerk. a happier jerk means.......not sure, but happier sounds good.
random movies i enjoy:
"lock, stock, and 2 smoking barrels." british accents are at times hard to understand, but an enjoyable movie. a non-"transporter" jason stathem is good.
"stranger than fiction." great, different concept for a movie. plus.....will ferrell. duh. that guy is the best. he is way better than me, and WAY better than you. don't kid yourself.
"eternal sunshine of the spotless mind." again, a very different movie. jim carey. duh. see the last few sentences from above.
why did i make this short list? b/c this is my fucking blog, so you are at my mercy. also, i just watched these recently and had very little else to write about. eat it.
i gotta testify. coming in the spot looking extra fly. till the day i day. i gotta testify.
just got back from interview #1. not going to lie. i killed it. basically it was my bitch. first of all, i looked good. i mean really good. me in a suit is magic. i should get paid to just walk around in a suit all day. i don't really want to do anything in said suit, but i want to get paid for wearing one. i also don't want to buy said suit, b/c suits are expensive. i know what you are thinking, just become a model. no way. i'm of the opinion that all male models are gay. again, that's one man's opinion. so i say no to male modeling. also, i'm not that good looking. so it looks like getting paid to walk around in a suit just isn't in the cards.
anyway, the interview went really well. it's a position i am MORE than qualified for. i would run the fitness department for a gym. i would also do sales and manage a staff, blah, blah, blah. these are all things i can do with my eyes closed. i managed a 30 employee staff flawlessly. that is not entirely true. most of my employees i would have smashed with a shovel given the opportunity. i would also be able to do some personal training which is nice. maybe i train some young females right into my pants. yeah. i said it.
so. the woman i interviewed with has a few interviews left, but more or less hinted i'll get this position. jackpot. the true beauty of this situation is the fact i'll be able to build their fitness department from the ground up as the gym is still under construction. i won't have in inherit a shitty staff like i have in the past. i'll be able to hire my own shitty staff. sweet.
supposed to hear back on friday.
who you know better than HOV? riddle me that.
back to back posts? what's up with that you ask? you haven't written ANYTHING is so long and then 2 in 2 days? are you really back?
first of all, mind your business. secondly, mind your business. thirdly, yeah, i'm really going to try. pathetically, i forgot how much i like ranting. i crack myself up too much not to. also, i owe my rage and rambling to those that love it. sickos.
it's officially 12:36 in the AM. once upon a time i had to be up for work in 4 hours. no longer. instead i need to be up at 8 to get ready for an interview. and guess what.....it's for another gym job. a new place is opening and they need a manager. ZING!!!! i just can't seem to get away. i have a phone interview for a different job later in the afternoon too. we'll see how they go. the bottom line is i need a jobby job.
internet access may be a deal breaker with the gym job. my last position didn't allow anyone access to the internet. fucking ridiculous. god i hated that place. ran by nazis. work is where i did 99% of my ranting for this site prior to that. let's keep our fingers crossed people.
what i was doing this time sunday night......horrible horrible things to a woman who's 3 kids were sleeping. does that make me a bad person? perhaps. OR does it make me an awesome person? definitely. you can't turn down action from a belly dancer/strip tease instructor. trust me, you just can't.
do i still rule? fuck yeah i do.
a new post (finally)
i can say with complete certainty that no one has been on this site in a LONG time. why? b/c i haven't posted anything in forever. i have no good reason. the past few days i reread a lot of my old posts and realized the following:
1. i have SEVERE issues. mostly with anger.
2. these issues (to me) are hysterical.
3. i am the funniest person i know.
4. i actually miss working at that gym b/c it allowed me to manage this site, and gave me UNBELIEVABLE material to use.
5. i'd forgotten most of what i'd written.
6. i'd forgotten how much time i actually dedicated to writing this, and reading other people's blogs. i used to really enjoy it.
7. i repeat myself a lot in many of the posts.
8. i didn't realize how good i had it.
9. i complained about getting up early in about 99% of my posts (see 7).
10. again, i think i am hysterical. i think i was funnier back then.
i'm sure i've realized a lot more than that, but that's all the list you are getting for now.
as for an update on my life........lots of shit has changed. i haven't really worked a real job in months. i lifeguarded over the summer and since summer is over i've been looking for a job. the hunt has been poor at best. so many interviews, so many shitty jobs. i have several promising interviews in the next few days. not working is cool, not having money isn't. i'm hoping one of these opportunities works out so i'll have some money again. living like a pauper is AIDS. full blown AIDS.
other than the job situation, things aren't all bad. no serious women to speak of, but that's a conscious decision. the break up with the ex fucked my world up pretty bad. i don't remember if i posted about it, fairly certain i only mentioned it. i won't get into details now, but rest assured it wasn't good. i'm all good now, but it took A LOT longer to get over than i would've ever guessed. i've been on a ton of dates since then, but just not really wanting to get into a serious relationship. there is something to be said for fucking around a lot and staying single.
this post isn't that good. give me a break, it's been a while. i need to get back into shape. a new job will help.
again, i'll keep you posted.
again, i used to be a lot funnier. i suck now.
